Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
