am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Farmville is her only friend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
