Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
