I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
