i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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