Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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