At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
