We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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