Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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