he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
