why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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