peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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