ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
