I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
