I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
