you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The best revenge is premature balding
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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