Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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