So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
