speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
