guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
