So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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