Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
