I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
