my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
