Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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