Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
