I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
