Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
