its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
