omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
