My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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