dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
