I want to have your abortion
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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