We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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