im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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