god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
