I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
