this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
