it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
