How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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