This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pants are for mortals
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
