Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
