her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
