Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
