I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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