i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
