then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
