just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
