The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
