she woke up with a sticky ear
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
