it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
