Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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