i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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