i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
