Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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