well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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