'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
