How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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