I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
