Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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