saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize