Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
