remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
