worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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