This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
